"13 reasons why" I started to write Poetry...

"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness" (or a society sickness) -Robert Frost 

  So today I'm here to reveal what was the turning point, which made me write poetry...Some of you know (I mean my friends) and some of you guess that I started to write poetry. I'm gonna say it right now that I'm not going to publish any poems except one, here or anywhere else, just not yet.
 So it all started one Monday when I had to study physics, (let my physics teacher and all the rest who love physics forgive me) I hate physics, or better say I hate when I have to stupidly study something by heart,  the worst is that no one ever explains why the hell I should know all that stuff and how I can use it....So feeling as stupid and as down as possible I was just scratching something in my notebook when the idea of writing, first visited me and I wrote :   

“What if I am a dreamer? 
The one you’ve never known. 
You think I’m not unusual, 
But what if you are wrong?! 
You say I’m not talanted, 
But what if you cant see 
The way I am talanted 
In something you can’t be 
And maybe I am usual, 
And maybe I am wrong, 
But still I am a Dreamer. 

The one you’ve never known                                                                                                                                                             So this was first piece of poetry I have ever written, there was nothing I changed or...I don't know this is how it came out , and then when I finished it and re-read it I liked it very much, too much even maybe, and I decided to write something else, just to try if it was a one time thing or I can really write, so I wrote second one the same evening few minutes after first, and the first person with whom I shared my first poem was my English teacher Oksana, whom I immediately texted it and she liked it very much, and on the next day I had her lesson and she read second one too and she asked why did it happen, like, what inspired me maybe, and for that time I had no answer, so I just explained it was a way not to study Physics, since that she calls my poetry physics, which I explain as physics of ones soul maybe....So after over-thinking I finally remembered that before that Monday evening I read some pieces of poetry on tumblr and it all started from reading a book by Jay Asher " Thirteen reasons why" If you read it you should know that Hannah (a girl from a book) wrote poetry and there is this part :

 "Then without even trying, I memorized the very first poem in that book. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to shake it from my head even today. So here it is, for your appreciation …or amusement" and there was poem, I even made a drawing for it, in case you can't read it, it says :

"If my love were an ocean,
there would be no more land.
If my love were a desert,
you would see only sand.
If my love were a star-
late at night, only light.
And if my love could grow wings,
I'd be soaring in flight. "

So just like Hannah says, this "poem from Monet's" just stuck in my head, and I still think it is one of the best poems I ever read in English, because most of poems I've read have no rhythm, which I'm so desperately searching for, and I think I got pretty good in it...
  To finish this post somehow...I'll tell you that for me poetry became a new way of self expression, before, I was drawing and showing people something through colors, but now I can make them feel the same thing I'm feeling, and make them think about same things, so my new "goal" kind of is to collect those poems and publish them! to be honest it sounds silly a bit "Sally, now as a poet...." I don't know to be honest I just want to give it a try, maybe because I really enjoy doing this....And partly because I feel that there are many things I can talk about. Here are two other poems I like, I have even written them in my diary.

                                                  Love Always,
                                                       Sally.

Who you are?!

  So not that I'm trying to show anyone their mistakes or anything, but all I want is to make people think of who they really are.

   Some people say that personality is everything about you, and mostly in such cases people mean what you wear and what you like also how you do act...That's  all important but people never ask you of your insecurities or fears.How many of you met a person who told you they want to know you better and then just ask what your favorite movie,song,color etc. is ? Guys if you call it "knowing a person well" then I don't know anyone, not even my best friend...for ex. I don't have favorite movie, nor song, not color and not even book, there are too many things that I like and love, I can't tell you only one and say no to all the others...SO lately I am thinking a lot about my personality and the way I act, and what I found out is that most of my habits or things I do, are caused by my fears or insecurities so I think it's the most important thing about person, It's not enough to know how someone acts you should also know why they act one way or another and I really dislike this saying " It doesn't matter who you are, what matters is who you want to be" Seriously?! maybe who you are now, doesn't matter but for me who you want to be doesn't matter either if you're doing nothing and just sitting in one spot and saying how you want to change. What matters is how hard are you trying to become someone you want to be, but sad thing is that everyone understands it as "go copy someone you like" and the excuse is always "I just like same things, we have same taste" well me and my best friend might like same things and even buy same shirts or something but we still are different we have other clothes which are not alike, we have different styles, different tastes, we listen to different music, we are not copies of each other and what I'm trying to say is that when someone asks you "who do you want to be?" you should never think of someone else and search for someone else's name, you should think of who you are now and how do you want to develop yourself, and late at night when you dream about being on someones place better try to over think your actions and understand why do you act one way or another and why do you like this or that. If you don't know  yourself how can you know some other person...i don't want this post to be too long so if you have questions or any ideas just comment and let me know what you think, if you agree or disagree!

So The Smiths song asleep is in this post because whenever I think of my personality it just pops in my head and it makes me feel the way I love to feel, peaceful and free. It is just amazing and iI would like you all to listen to it.

Incident which left children heartbroken...

  So...I know that I'm posting rarely, but honestly I think it's because I don't like typing, seriously if I could write my posts in a notebook and design it there and then just publish somehow it'll be great 'cause for me hand-writing is a lot more fun...
                Now about title of this post, every year at this time people who graduate from school have exams (in Georgia it is so) and this year was the same of course except one incident. if someone doesn't know we have (right now we have, idk what would happen next year because everything depends on governments mood i guess) 8 exams to end school first 4 you pass at the end of 11th grade and next 4 you pass at the end of 12th grade and that's how you graduate school , all exams are passed on computer, but this year on English exam the computer programme messed up and questions were coming with two right answers, but that's not such a problem, problem is that children who REALLY KNOW ENGLISH got bad points, they passed but how would you feel if you know something really well and they give you low mark?! worse is that you can do nothing , you can not prove that you are right because computer doesn't save your answers. Teachers got that something was wrong so they called to Ministry of Education and the answer was shocking you know what they said?! "well, you didn't fail right? so if you passed why the mark matters!" and what about children who want to go aboard, to continue studies there? why someone who can get best mark should not get it and not be given second chance, just because something in the system messed up...It's very unfair and dishonest towards those children and their parents and their teachers...Funny thing is that Ministry of Education later (at 9 o'clock) wrote on their page that they were taking 5 points off for every wrong answer, and it still doesn't make any sense because children who knew subject got all answers right. Same happened on Georgian and history exam and i cant express how disappointed I am because government steals every hope of justice and it is very unfair....

   

Life is a Game

                                                  "You have to learn the rules of the game
                                                      and then you have to play better than
                                                                                       anyone else"
                                                                                                   -Albert Ainstein
                    It's not a surprise for anyone that life is a game, sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.I don't like saying lose because for me losing is not an option, if you don't win you learn something new, learning doesn't mean losing. And by the way you can not always win and for sure you can't lose your "life game".
                   Everything in life happens on purpose, some people believe it's luck or faith and well, these two things are good miracles to believe in, but I prefer to think that these people who blame luck in bad things that happen to them, are just too fool to realize their real luck and aren't smart enough to learn from their own life mistakes.
                    In this life game mostly naive and kind people get all the wrong and bad things. I agree that kindness is very important, but not when your kindness toward someone or something means self-harm. If you're doing something good you must never expect it to be returned to you, or to get paid for your act of kindness. If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn't eat him.
                   Honestly what I've learned is that better you act, you get worse treatment, I know that this is not true due to everyone and for sure this mustn't be an excuse for treating people badly, but it's truth and not to be hurt in future you must know it. That's one of rules of this game we call "life" nowadays. In fact rules are different for different people, you choose to be a player or a toy.
                  What about me?- well, I'm honestly felling very comfortable in my role as the coach. Thought I know that game has already started, and i wont be able to stay on my position for long, But i follow the basis rule for me that says "Change the game, don't let the game change you" I understand it simply: life can get hard and you may feel very bad, but despite all those struggles be who you are and never give up, because once you change you'll never be the same and that means losing, losing not only the game but also yourself which is much more scary. Just keep in mind that God tests everyone equally to their abilities, you cant be a winner without even starting a race, and for sure you can't be the best player if you don't compete with others.
                Life is a game.You can play it safe and be good, or you can take a chance and be the Great. just remember choice is up to YOU.

Too many High Hopes too many disappointments! (The Great Gatsby)

              "No telephone massage arrived but the butler went without his sleep and waited for it until four o'clock- until long after there was anyone to give it to if it came. I have an idea that Gatsby himself didn't believe it would come and perhaps he no longer cared. If that was true he must have felt that he had lost the old warm world, paid a high price for living too long with a single dream. He must have looked up at an unfamiliar sky through frightening leaves and shivered as he found what a grotesque thing a rose is and how raw the sunlight was upon the scarcely created grass. A new world, material without being real, where poor ghosts, breathing dreams like air, drifted fortuitously about..." 

                                                    F.S. Fitzgerald
                                                                          The Great Gatsby
          People all around the world are different, all of us are, or pretend to be individuals. YET we all have something in common, such as hope, faith, wishes...I'll reveal a secret and say that everyone of us dream, maybe part of people doesn't realize that thing they always think of is their dream in fact...Part of us just doesn't want to admit they have dreams, but even realists dream sometimes.I think we all need to believe and have some dream because high hope is just the same, difference is how we call it and how easily we can give up.I think it is easier to give up your dream than your hope I don't know why I think so, maybe I'm wrong but somehow dreams are becoming unuseful in these days, it's not fashionable anymore to say you have a dream because  everyone mixes their dreams with their aims...Your dream can be your aim, but harder to reach then usual aim is, and your aim on the other hand can never be your dream, your dream, can be to reach your aim, but not aim itself.
      But even people who aren't dreamers and have no big plans for life, still have hope, hope is a thing that can keep you alive, can keep you from getting mad or else...It's scary to imagine life without hope, because there is no life without hope, we always have this feeling...When we're told that something is going to go wrong for 99% it is fact, but we all have this 1% that keeps us telling it still can go right for us.That 1% is hope that keeps us up and doesn't give us enough reason to give up.
      Life becomes kind of aimless without hope, people who don't have hope are Pesimists in a way or people who lost hope and now are  ruining their lives.
      Losing something is always hard, sometimes the smallest things have the biggest meaning, and losing of hope..I think losing hope itself is nearly  impossible, it's the thing that we hoped for that we can lose, but hope stays with us, we may think that we've lost it but then catch ourselves hoping for something. I think it's not high hopes that bring us many disappointments , but it's the hope for something that is not likely to happen , that hurts us in the end. If we hoped for simple things that are going to happen anyway, we'll have no disappointments at all, but that's not how hope works, When you have high hopes it means you are expecting something big and important and you should simply remember life lesson: Hope for the best, BUT expect the worst. because failure of our expectations brings much more disappointments and hurt than losing hope.

STOP living animals keychain/lucky charm in China! Chinese government kills small animals!

Guys I just found out about this and I'm really shocked! people in china sell these "lucky charms" or "jewelry" or whatever they call it, and they kill small animals by that! animals can't live in such circumstances longer than two months!I think we should put authors of this, people who sell this "jewelry" and also people who buy it in same "boxes" or whatever it is! lets see how they'll like it and how long can they live in such circumstances?! huh?! so guys let's help to stop this crazy "business" and save lives of small animals! http://www.avaaz.org/en/petition/Petition_contre_les_amulettes_danimaux_vivants_en_Chine/?fbdm <---- just go here and sign petition so Chinese government will stop this! please share this to your friends, I think we shouldn't leave it like that!

"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

         At first i have to say that people who don't know this book have nothing to do with this post, and people who read the book, well just try to understand me....
        I'm trying to analize what was the matter of  Dorian's tragic death, and things which I think about aren't pleasing me...At first I think that we can't blame Harry in what had happened to poor Dorian, because it was Dorian's fault. At first because he didn't listen , or trust, Basil who was his true friend (I wish I could find such a Friend) and he was influenced by Harry, who represents evil. But the story is of such kind that you may even blame fortune or luck if it exists of course...But just think how unbelievable and real the story is, artist who finds his object of admiration, worships him and finds this person pure and perfect, tragic is that he has friend, Lord Henry, who changes life of young led just by saying few words. But Dorian was so pure and untouched by the world that he had wild passion for knowing the world and devil itself. I think it's more of persons choice, if person chose to meet  devil or if they chose to meet god. I think that if you want to know something it's better to know it from books than to make your life dreadful, dishonest, fake and torture yourself with wrong steps and wrong actions. At the same time Lord Henry looks attractive for me, many people who read this book hate his character and admit him as cruel, wicked man who is pure devil. To be honest I just think that he is very smart and emotionless maybe even strong person who may have emotions but he professionally  masks them. i think that somewhere in his own boyhood he made mistake that was much worse than Dorian's and he became like that because he loved life too much to end it, so he just learned it from every side and made decisions. But I'm not quite sure of his reaction about Dorian's death he could cry or maybe just be disappointed, but maybe he'll be happy because he knew the result of his experiment. But he would always stay extravagant in his decisions. I even may suggest that he was more important character in whole story than Dorian himself, but name of book doesn't give me such opportunity nor does the end. (if there was Harry's reaction on Dorian's death then it may sound more realistic) Poor Dorian was spoiled but more by the power he was given than by Lord Henry!